Steph Houghton (Image: Supplied)
Former Lioness Steph Houghton has had many high points in her life and career. When it comes to football, her “proudest moment” was being appointed England captain in 2014. “I was massively shocked,” she says.
But in her personal life she’d single out the experience of meeting her husband and “soulmate”, ex-Bradford City player Stephen Darby, in the “really romantic” setting of the 2014 AGM of the Professional Footballers’ Association.
From their first date, she says, “I just knew Stephen was the one. I love remembering when we met, it brings back the best memories”.
But their world imploded when he was diagnosed with motor neurone disease in 2018, aged 29.
And having retired earlier this year, Steph reflects on this moment and her achievements in her new memoir Leading From The Back.
Writing the book was “very, very therapeutic”, she says. “To look back on where I’ve come from and where I’ve got to… I achieved something special.”
But Stephen was also the subject of the hardest chapter Steph had to write.
“Things have progressed a lot in the last few years,” she says of his MND symptoms. “He has good days and bad days. It’s obviously hard because I’m living it every single day. I hope it comes across that he’s my absolute world. We’ve remained positive.
“But it took us a bit longer to write that chapter, for sure. And it took us about three hours to do the audiobook [chapter about Stephen]. My voice was going. It’s very raw emotions but we made a conscious decision that we wanted to be honest.”
They don’t look too far into the future. “If we start thinking that we might only have ‘X’ number of years, we’re beaten already.” The family-oriented couple still hope to become parents.
Steph’s gratitude to her own parents, Len and Amanda, shines through her memoir. “Without my mum and dad, I would never in a million years have had this career,” she says decisively. They continue to support her “now, especially when things are a bit tougher at home”.
Stephen needs Steph’s help now (Image: Barrington Coombs/PA Wire)
Steph, now 36, was 10 when she was scouted by Sunderland FC in the late 90s, an era when there was no career path for female footballers.
However, over the course of the next 25 years, that slowly changed. She would go on to play for Leeds, Arsenal and Manchester City, before winning 121 caps for England, playing in three World Cups (2011, 2015 and 2019) and at the Euro finals in 2013 and 2017.
Every step of the way, she was breaking down the barriers blocking women from fulfilling their potential in football, and campaigning for fairer pay across the women’s game.
When she was awarded her MBE in 2016, she invited her parents, brother, gran and Stephen to the investiture, though she almost missed out on her gong after the official letter got lost in the post.
Her agent called her two hours before the acceptance deadline to check that she wanted it. “I was like, ‘Well, yeah, of course I want it!’”
On the day, Princess Anne confused her with fellow recipient Fara Williams and, when Steph was having her photo taken afterwards, the heel on her shoe broke on the cobbles outside Buckingham Palace.
“I was walking down the street in my dress, barefoot, like it was Sunderland town centre at 2am,” she smiles. “But to be recognised and get an award like that was amazing.”
It was an unexpected reward for a lifelong obsession with football. From the moment Steph could kick a ball, she would practise in her “tiny” backyard in County Durham with her semi-professional footballer father.
“I never felt like anybody really tried to stop me doing what I wanted to do,” she says. “But there was no football for girls when I was growing up.” She had to play for the boys’ team at primary school.
Steph playing for England (Image: Richard Heathcote/Getty Images)
Being scouted by her beloved Sunderland felt “unreal, like a dream”, but she made her debut for the first team aged 13 and scored within five minutes. “When the ball hits the net, it’s one of the best feelings that you could ever have.”
Her career went from strength to strength as the women’s game was taken increasingly seriously. And it’s partly thanks to Steph that women are now more fairly paid, following her “10-year battle” to improve women’s earnings. She was involved in forming a leadership group to negotiate over “every small detail” with the Football Association.
“You’re speaking to 25 to 30 girls saying, ‘OK, we might have to sacrifice being paid this month to try and push these contracts on’. We needed to make a stand. We were very strong as a unit and we knew that we were stronger together.” When they went on strike, the FA crumbled.
“I probably didn’t reap the rewards that future generations will but I think the role I played in moving the game on is one of my biggest achievements.”
She’s refreshingly frank about the money she has earned as a footballer and it wasn’t until she moved to Manchester City in 2014 that she could finally stop worrying about how she’d pay the bills.
There was a pay gap in commercial deals, too. She took part in a Head & Shoulders advert where the female footballers were paid £5,000 compared to the male players’ £40,000. She would earn £100 for an appearance on Match Of The Day, when male players would pocket £1000.
But money isn’t the only measure of success. Steph vividly recalls the occasion after the 2015 World Cup when she drove past a young boy wearing a shirt with her name on the back. “To have a boy follow the women’s game showed what we’d done in that tournament to change people’s opinions.”
Presenting on BC Sport with Kelly Somers and Ellen White (Image: Alex Livesey/Getty Images)
In contrast, one of the hardest moments of her career came when she missed a penalty at the 2019 World Cup. “That was heartbreaking. I just thought, ‘Oh my God, everybody hates us’. But I had perspective because of what had happened with Stephen.”
She has enjoyed such a glittering career that it was naturally “a very hard decision to retire”. But football became less rewarding in recent years as she was picked less frequently to play. And, after a fall, Stephen needed more support at home. Steph has to help him climb the stairs, get dry after a shower, or get dressed.
Now, she’s working as a pundit for the BBC and Sky, she has launched women’s football podcast Crossways with Ian Wright, and is studying for coaching qualifications, though she’s “definitely not” ready to decide what the future holds for her career.
Perhaps surprisingly, she doesn’t miss playing, though she does miss her former teammates. “I saw Jill [Scott] the other day, I saw Ellen [White, who was one of Steph’s bridesmaids]. But I miss the girls, going into football and having all them different conversations and being part of a different family. Being part of that changing room environment.”
For the time being, Steph is still adapting to her new life. “It’s definitely a different way of life juggling new work and being at home more. But just to be here with Stephen is the most important thing.”
Leading From The Back: My Journey To The Top Of Women’s Football by Steph Houghton, £25 (Sphere) is out now
