Marriage is no walk in the park, and it’s not always a case of ’til death do us part’. In fact, statistics suggest that 42 per cent of marriages end in divorce.
However, it’s not all bad news; divorce rates in the UK are on the decline, with the Office for National Statistics revealing that the 2022 rate was the lowest since 1971. But there are warning signs to watch out for to prevent a marriage from hitting the rocks.
A leading divorce expert has shared insights into the early indicators of marital strife and how to tackle them. Every couple faces challenges, but according to James Brien from Easy Online Divorce, it’s the response to these difficulties that counts.
The conflict specialist and author of ‘The Real Man’s Guide to Divorce’ and ‘The Mindful Divorce: How to Heal and be Happy After Separation’, identifies six red flags that could spell trouble.
One major sign of potential issues is when communication starts to falter. Mr Brien advises, “One of the earliest signs of trouble is a breakdown in communication. If you’re no longer asking about each other’s days and listening to the responses then consider why that might be the case.”
He emphasises the importance of dialogue in a healthy marriage, saying, “A solid marriage is built on being able to open up and talk things through. When this starts to slide it’s a good idea to get things back on track quickly. Over time a lack of communication can mean you start to disconnect emotionally.”
If you find your once warm and loving relationship has turned cold, filled with resentment and sarcasm, it’s a red flag, according to relationship expert Mr Brien. He explains, “Often people in an unhappy relationship become emotionally disconnected and we see that healthy feelings such as warmth and love are replaced with more negative emotions.”
He adds, “If there was once mutual respect and now there’s sarcasm and eye rolls every time you talk then it might be time to discuss your problems with a counsellor.”
Another sign of a partnership in peril is when one feels unsupported, whether it’s with practical tasks like childcare or household chores, or emotional support, reports the Mirror. Mr Brien points out, “Couples need to feel as if their needs are being met. If you feel as if you’re picking up all of the chores while the other sits around doing nothing then this is where resentment can seep in.”
He advises, “It’s important to be clear on feelings and discuss what you need to help the relationship thrive. Give your partner the time to act on this.”
A dwindling intimacy can also indicate issues within a relationship. Mr Brien clarifies, “There’s no ‘normal’ for being intimate in a relationship. Holding hands and enjoying a cuddle on the sofa can be more intimate than other marital activities.”
He suggests, “It’s important to speak to your partner about your needs and re-establish a connection if it has been lost over time.”
Lastly, a telling sign that things aren’t going well is when you stop making plans together.
While everyone is marking their calendars with festive activities, some might already be plotting grand ventures for the years to come. Relationship expert Mr Brien advised: “Happy couples will generally share aspirations for the future, whether this means big travel plans or retirement dreams.”
He warned, “If you stop making plans together then consider if your future goals still match up.”
The idea of a fresh start can seem appealing and while daydreaming occasionally is harmless, continuous thoughts of solo life could indicate trouble in paradise.
Mr Brien cautioned, “When problems arise in a marriage it can be tempting to look at other options.”
If fantasies about other prospects become the norm, he stresses, “If you find yourself constantly thinking about what else might be on offer then that’s a strong sign things are going in the wrong direction.”
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